In the Grass

James was there again, staring into the darkening sky. Occasionally, though rarely, in his mind the stars were no longer pinholes in a great black sheet - they surrounded him, and he saw them as lights hanging in the distance, some nearer and some farther. Tonight he got that feeling of being surrounded by the cosmos. It both thrilled him and frightened him.

He remembered going to a baseball game with his father. They sat high in the stands, near the edge of the stadium. He had looked over the railing, imagining the horror of falling from such a height, when he saw out of the corner of his eye a helium balloon escaping a child's hand. It rose out of the stadium, out of sight. James watched it until it was just a tiny red speck against the clouds. The fear of falling was lost as he watched the balloon escape. One can only fall so far down; falling away from Earth, as the balloon had done, seemed endless.

This same fear, though not as intense, accompanied the sensation James felt as the stars surrounded him. Endless. He felt as if he somehow might fall into these starts and be lost in the depths of the universe. Perhaps what frightened him most was being lost in the unknown. He understood that stars were very similar to the sun, but beyond that, he understood very little of the universe.

James was constantly in pursuit of knowledge. He read a lot of books and blogs and magazines. He had learned about physics, and had become interested in the strange rules that sub-atomic particles live by. But he could not understand any of them, and some of the theories were disconcerting. He learned about computer and a little bit about writing software programs. But the way computers actually work was still just magic to him. He had learned about biology, and a little bit about human physiology, but he was hardly a doctor, and he didn't really believe doctors completely understood the body too much better than he or anyone else. He felt like his knowledge was like algae spreading slowly over the top of a pond, but never penetrating the depths in any spot. He wasn't even quite sure if algae actually grows on the surface of ponds.

He was beginning to understand why people say that the more you know, the more you realize how little you know. James had met a few very smart people, but even their knowledge lacked depth in most areas. His lack of knowledge frightened him as he lay supported by thousands of leaves of grass, surrounded by stars he couldn't understand. How could so many disparate, complicated systems work in perfect harmony if no one understands them, and if no one is at the helm. Certainly, James thought, this harmony cannot continue so long unchecked. All of these systems must surely come to a screeching halt any moment, he thought, and he braced himself for the impending chaos which he assumed was upon him.

He opened his eyes, and noted thankfully that the universe had not ended in chaos, merely because he didn't understand everything. He went inside less afraid, and a good deal happier. Someone does understand.